Faith with Friends

Life. We get caught up in working for a living and forget to live.  Our bills pile up, our health declines, our kids have five thousand sports to attend, a million hours of homework each night, and of course our chores and errands to catch up on the two (if you’re lucky) days off that some call a “weekend”.  In this existence we call life there’s a few things that keep us connected.  Grounded.  Sane. 

One of those few things for me is my friends.  God has showered grace upon me to be surrounded by some pretty amazing people.  As writer I often forget that without these amazing people I probably wouldn’t even have any readers.  So if you’re reading this, if you’re inclined to keep reading…welcome, friend. 

When I have moments of “my life is chaos, I need a break” I have a very small circle of people that I trust with my chaos.  That small circle has made it through this faith journey with me that isn’t perfect.  It’s actually quite messy, often challenging, sometimes scary, and continuous.  Let me introduce you to someone in my small circle.  Her name is Ginger.  This is our Faith in Friendship story:

**First side note, we shooed the menfolk to get supper.  Pizza.  Easy, right?  It’s currently 7:34 p.m. 

Me: How long have you and I known each other?

Ginger:  I would say almost 15 years, because we’ve lived here 15 years and met you guys right after that. 

Me: What was your first memory of me?

Ginger: The first night we met, you literally pointed at me after we were talking all night and said to everyone, “She’s a keeper.” 

**Second side note-that wasn’t said in a Mean Girl voice.  I remember the night.  And to know me, you all know I’m very shy and don’t attach quickly to anyone unless I’m comfortable with them.  Ginger was definitely a keeper.**

Me:  What do you like to do when you have time?

Ginger: I like to go to the beach, journal in my planner, workout, sing, and dance.

Me: What’s your favorite workout? Song? And style of dance?

Ginger: Toss-up between P90X3 and 21Day Fix.  I’m a Beach Body girl.  My favorite song is “Girls like you” by Maroon 5.  My go-to workout music is ‘Everything’ by Megan Trainer.  If I’m working out I’m typing her name into YouTube for my jam.  And for dance, I like anything that has a good rhythm.  I can dance to anything, and prefer a variety. 

Me: Work.  What’s your career path been since moving to Florida?

Ginger: I left a job up north being a photographer, so when we got here I focused on my family for two years.  Then I enrolled in school for massage therapy in 2008.  It was 9 months, I graduated as one of the top students.  I went to Transformations Salon and Spa to get my hair done for graduation and met the owner.  While we talked during my hair appointment I told her I was graduating from massage school.  She asked me then and there if I wanted a job.  I studied for 4 weeks for my state test, passed, and started working there shortly after. 

**Third side note, husbands interrupt via text.  They’re still out getting us pizza and said it will be an hour.  It’s now 8:11. 

Back to the interview.

Me: Since we were interrupted by our spouses, tell me about yours.  How long have you and Joe known each other? 

Ginger: Twenty-six years.  We met when we were 17. 

Me: So, you guys are high-school sweethearts.  Been together basically twenty-five of the twenty-six years.  And how many kids do you have?

Ginger: 4 children.  Two boys, two girls,

Me: …and ton of unofficially adopted children.  Ever since we’ve known you guys, I’ve seen numerous friends of your kids find refuge here.  And your fridge. 

Ginger: *laughs*.  Yeah, we’ve taken in quite a few strays as our own. 

Me: Some of those kids have claimed you as their second parents.  What have you done differently in “raising” them versus your own children? 

Ginger:  I guess I put more restrictions on them, because they aren’t biologically mine.  I guess I expect more from them because we did take them in, and support them when we didn’t have to.    

Me: You’ve seen these kids through elementary school all the way to college age.  Do you think taking these kids in has set the example for your own kids?

Ginger:  Absolutely.  One hundred percent.  Even though they don’t see it at the time because of sacrifices they’ve had to make, it’s teaching them compassion. 

Me:  *smiling because I know how amazing and compassionate of a family they are* 

**We’re pausing for a Megan Trainer song that just came on….”My name is…no.”  Oh, and it’s now 8:43.  Not an hour, but still no pizza.

Okay, we’re back. 

Me: In raising sons I can relate to a lot of what you’ve gone through, but in raising daughters what has been the difference? 

Ginger: *sigh* the drama.  The mental stability that parents have to supply the daughters with is way beyond sons.  It’s exhausting.  To the point of when my phone goes off when I’m at work I start to panic because it’s going to be one of my daughters. 

Me:  To backtrack, how old are your kids? 

Ginger:  Oldest son is 24, next son is 21, oldest daughter is 17, and our youngest daughter is 13. 

Me: What’s been the most rewarding part of raising daughters?  Sons? 

Ginger:  Daughters—aside from always wanting girls, it would have to be that I see myself in them and they make me realize new things about myself.  Sons—knowing now that I had more of an impact on them than I thought.  The stuff I was worried didn’t ‘click’ in them to become young men, I’m now seeing it did.

Me:  Okay, so my blog is faith based and you’ve been one of my biggest supporters in just about everything I’ve done in life.  One of those being our belief in God almighty, though we’re not perfect you remind me often I’m a woman of faith.  What brought you to your faith? 

Ginger: Well, the foundation was always there.  But, my husband’s mother had a huge impact on me being saved. 

Me: How old were you when you were saved?

Ginger: I was twenty-three, new mom of two boys. 

Me: At that time was your husband saved? 

Ginger: No. 

Me: So how did that transpire?

Ginger:  Joe and I weren’t together.  We were separated, and I lived with his mom, but he’d come over on the weekends and spend time with the boys.  This one night he came over and we were all there and his mom and I were having a bible study.  This was the night I got saved.  We were going book to book, taking notes.  Joe worked early in the morning so he fell asleep and kept yelling out in his sleep, “No, stop! No stop!”  He used to talk in his sleep all the time.  That night while he was talking in his sleep, his mom and I were talking about him being toxic and suffocating me.  I specifically told her that he was squeezing the life out of me.  She started talking about serpents from the bible.  That’s what they do.  They squeeze you to death.  The next morning Joe came out and told us about the dream he had.  While grabbing his neck, he said that a serpent was chasing him and suffocating him.  I started going to church with his mom, and he realized in order to be a part of my life and our sons’ lives he needed Jesus.  That was the only way back to my heart. 

**9:24 p.m., the husbands are back with our pizza.  It was longer than an hour.  We’re used to it. 

Intermission to stuff our faces with yummy carbs…Aaaaand we’re back. 

Me:  From the time we met and became friends you guys were much further along in your faith journey than we were.  Well, further than my husband at least.  What do you remember about the early part of our friendship when the topic of conversation turned to religion? 

Ginger: I remember your husband being very unaccepting of faith, and Jesus.  There was a wall.  You were much more open, and didn’t disregard faith. 

Me: Over the course of our friendship we saw our families evolve in their faith to what we have now.  What’s the biggest change from where we started in our friendship and faith to where we are now?

Ginger: We now all go to church together.  Our beliefs were very different in the beginning and now of all people, your husband is dragging us all to church. 

Me: With a few years into our 40s, our kids starting to adult, our husbands saved, and a world of uncertainties ahead, what do you rely on to keep going every day? 

Ginger: God.

**And the interview is again interrupted, this time by the neighbor I so fondly call Cousin Eddie.  For those of you who catch the reference, the visual is very similar.  And yes…the s**tter is full. 

My take on our friendship is very similar to Ginger’s.  She and I have had numerous conversations over the years about our faith.  We’ve been through some dark times together, some brighter days, some “OMG why did we have kids” moments, and a lot of “Thank God we have each other” memories.  As one of the few in my small circle of friends, Ginger has been a constant.  I love you, Ginger.  Thank you for being my faithful friend. 

At Risk

This is for my School Resource Officers, my teacher friends, my school administrators, my involved parents, my kids.  This is for everyone who is affected by going “back to school”. 

I’ve had a very eye opening experience in a recent assignment that allowed me to work with at-risk-youth.  In this assignment not only did I have the perspective of law enforcement, but also of teacher, and administrator/liaison between the school board and the parents.  When I look back at the position that was in a very new and raw program I wasn’t prepared for the lessons I learned.  They weren’t all good.  And I wasn’t the best person for that position, only I was the one who realized it, not my supervisors or the school admins or anyone else. 

When I look back at the purpose of the program, it wasn’t a punishment for the ‘bad kids’, it was a support system and redirect for the forgotten ones.  The definition of “at-risk” in the dictionary is divided into “at” and “risk”.  “At” meaning a point of, and “risk” meaning the hazard or chance of loss.  That’s not exclusive to the kids assigned to the program.  Sadly, it defines every single one of our youth attending any school.  Yes, even my own son who is now home-schooled. 

“At-risk” doesn’t just pertain to the ones who act out in class, or skip school, or have failing grades.  It includes the popular kids, the athletes, the smart kids who already have college degrees by the time they hit senior year.  All of our kids are exposed to the same learning material, the same teachers, the same administrators, the same law enforcement school resource officers.  Our kids are at risk, or at a point of loss, if we don’t see this opportunity to change the risk. 

They should be at risk.  At risk of finding a mentor, a person who can make a difference in their lives.  They should be at risk of getting an education that will help them become productive members of society and not just able to pass a standard test.  They should be at risk of having a positive view of law enforcement in spite of the negative media portrayal we receive.  They should be at risk of being successful.  They’re all at risk of becoming the next generation of School Resource Officers, teachers, school administrators, and involved parents.  It’s up to us to show them that it’s a risk worth taking. 

  

As law enforcement we’ve all heard parents tell their kids we’d arrest them if they didn’t behave, or refuse to eat their peas, or whatever the stupid reason.  In the previous role I filled as an instructor for this program, I heard too many parents (and even teachers!) use me as leverage to make the kids behave.  Like I was the punisher if they didn’t comply.  When I sat with the kids one-on-one to talk they soon realized I wasn’t the punisher, I was the protector.  I didn’t allow their behavior to continue, nor did allow excuses, however I did allow freedom of speech without persecution.  I allowed that “safe place”, just not in the liberal sense of “you hurt my feelings”, but the safe place for them to be honest and express their frustration and anger before taking it out on the wrong person or sealing their fate with expulsion.

We lost a few to street violence, then there was one who went on to graduate with a B average and sober!  Yet six months earlier he was on felony probation and the verge of incarceration as an adult for his crimes.  As cheesy as it sounds he found Jesus.  A much forgotten ingredient in our education system, yet it was the one ingredient that saved this young man’s life and future.  

As adults we aren’t very good at listening to understand.  We listen to respond, especially when it comes to dealing with kids.  This is our fault.  We blame society, but HELLLOOOOO, we make up society.  There’s a few, a very select few, who listen to understand and can effectively communicate a better way for our youth.  The few kids we worked with had a redirect, an opportunity to change their perspective.  All it took was the right SRO/teacher/school admin/parent to listen.    

My only regret with stepping away from the program is not being able to see the kids every day to reassure them that they are worth it.  That regret was nothing compared to the sacrifice I made for a job/schedule that literally replaces me the second I go on annual leave and will fill my very expendable position if I resign or die.  No hard feelings, it’s just the nature of the beast in my line of work.  Instead of staying in the program or taking another assignment at a desk job I decided to go back to patrol and work midnight shift so we could home-school our 5^th grader.  This decision came after some of those ‘hard lessons’ I learned from kids in the program as well as some changes with our family.  I decided being present for my son was more important than being what I deemed as successful in my career at the cost of someone else raising him. 

**Disclaimer, I AM NOT A STAY AT HOME MOM!  God bless the men and women who can do that and maintain their sanity.  I work full-time, even have selfish hobbies that allow “me time”.  I’m just learning how I can be a more involved/present parent.  Not everyone is granted this blessing, and I’m running with it full speed while I have it.   Someday I’ll share those hard lessons.  For now, all of my SRO’s, teachers, admins, parents, and kids, be “at-risk” and make it worth it.  Have an awesome school year!