In the media, on social sites, and within our agencies we hear of fellow first responders succumbing to their demons and committing suicide. For the loved ones left to hurt from the loss it’s a selfish act, for the first responder it was a last resort to kill the enemy…themselves.
As a first responder you see more nightmares than you do dreams come true. You don’t make it in time to save everyone. Your personal life suffers the most when you refuse to include your loved ones in your pain, thinking you’re protecting them from the hell you’ve experienced. The truth is you are exposing them to even more worry and hurt by not sharing your pain. They don’t understand what you don’t explain.
We walk through our daily routines of lights and sirens, tone alerts, a bad call, difficult cases, more stressors. We deal with internal agency friction, difficult supervision, rookie mistakes, political correctness, and public scrutiny…more stressors.
Then we go home and park our marked patrol cars in our driveways. To some those cars are a sign of safety and a deterrent. To us, it’s another target. I can walk out of my house at any moment and be subject to attack just because of that car or my uniform. More stressors. My family is subject to the same attacks because those who wish us harm can target them also. More stressors.
We can’t say what we freely want to say to administrators for fear of reprimand; we can’t mention mental health concerns of PTSD for fear of fitness for duty evaluations; we’re ridiculed for our faith if we pray with a victim or mention God in any manner of our work. More stressors.
Yet we’re expected to continue to respond to the nightmares, the bad calls, the difficult cases. We’re expected to remain neutral in our politics, faith, and beliefs. We have no freedom of speech if it’s contradictory to what the public demands. We are to show up, pat the bad guys on the head and tell them “no, no, don’t do that again.” We’re expected to use soft handcuffs and kit gloves.
Our leaders are fighting an uphill battle to maintain personnel with low wages, long hours, and little support from the communities we protect and serve. The excuse we all hear, “it’s what you signed up for,” is just that, an excuse for those who lack knowledge and experience in this profession to know what it takes to actually do this job. What we do as first responders (and I’m referring to our brothers and sisters in ALL public service fields) is more worthy of a superstar/pro athlete’s pay than the pansy politicians who demonize us for doing our jobs.
In one shift I’ve personally resuscitated an addict from overdose, pulled a 6 year old boy from near drowning in a pool, put out a vehicle fire after pulling a family pet from being stuck inside after a crash, climbed a second story balcony to comfort an autistic child who was locked out after his caregiver had a medical emergency then sat with that same child and drew cartoons on napkins for him to color until he had someone else to sit with him, ate my only meal (PB&J) in a then 10 hour shift as I ran lights and sirens to a fatal crash on the interstate only to stand over the remains of a person who made a terrible decision to drive impaired. One shift. That’s just one 10 hour shift (now 12s) of the decade I’ve been in law enforcement. That’s a mild shift compared to some of my peers. So don’t you dare tell me we don’t need God, mental health awareness, or massive support from our communities, our administrators, and peers to keep doing this job.
I signed up to protect myself, my family, my loved ones, and my future. I signed up to help the helpless, guide the lost, and build a safer world for my sons, and that entails taking low life s.o.b.’s to jail who harm others. No kit gloves, no soft cuffs, no pats on the head and a finger wag “no, no.” I’m going to give you exactly what you’ve asked for, but don’t want to know or see how it’s done. I’m here to do my job. I’m showing up to save lives and kick your dumb butt if needed, and I’ll do it with a lot to say and no fear of your opinion.
I win. I go home. I show up to do it all again. I show up for my fellow first responders who felt they could no longer show up. I show up for my fellow first responders who may be on the verge of taking their own lives because they don’t know how to fight for themselves anymore. I show up for the families of my fellow first responders who need help understanding. I show up for the leaders who show up and fight for us to keep doing our job.
In this job it’s hard to keep a grateful heart and a positive attitude when faced with daily adversity. Yet here we are, on the edge of faith.
#showup #faithismyfavoriteFword #firstresponders #purposefilledlife
*I beg everyone who reads this to share local contacts for veterans and first responders to seek help.
