Under Pressure

A diamond forms from coal under pressure.  This has been used to justify tough situations we go through, with hopes of being better and brighter on the other side of it.  This all depends on your definition of pressure.  We relate our pressure to our surroundings, our current environment, be it home or work. 

I’ve recently had the privilege to attend a training where I spoke to several other first responders and asked them what was their definition of pressure in their chosen profession.  The top three answers and in order of how they rated them were:

1.       Agency administration*

2.       Inadequate / toxic supervisors*

3.       Lack of manpower/training

*administration was defined as officers in positions of decision making “who haven’t worked the front lines in over a decade.”  

*inadequate/toxic supervisors were defined as “lack of balls to do what’s right” and “bully pencil pushers.” 

It’s frustrating and sadly unsurprising to see other agencies of varying sizes, demographics, and geographical areas dealing with the same issues.  My concern is that even though it’s a small-scale poll of first responders, we all thought the same thing…that the top pressures we face in this job are internal to the agency. 

Mind you, the officers in the class were 5-30 years in law enforcement.  I had to take a step back and ask myself this question.  What did I see as pressures in my current position versus a decade ago when I first started? I wasn’t worried about supervision or administration a decade ago.  I wanted to make a name for myself, catch the bad guys, and make it to the calls in time to save people. My response for why I got into law enforcement was because I wanted to be a part of something bigger than myself.  It wasn’t about protecting and serving as much as it was about having the similar comradery with like-minded people as I did in the military. 

If we’re all dealing with the same issues then maybe it’s time we change how we’re doing things.

Number one issue on the list was agency administrators defined as those who are removed from the front lines making decisions based on 20 years ago.  If you’re an administrator and think this doesn’t apply to you then it definitely does.  A lot of things all of you did “back in the day” are no longer allowed.  Comparing your experiences to those of the newer generation of law enforcement is ineffective.  They don’t care what you did 20+ years ago. They care how they’re going to make it 20+ years in this profession now. 

A combined suggestion was to have administration step into the current role of an officer on the front lines taking calls for service, dealing with the underbelly of society, getting reports in on time, making sure you’re evidence is squared away, and hoping everything gets approved so you’re not stuck getting yelled at by your supervisor for messing something up because you’re exhausted at the 10^th hour of a 12 hour / 3 day shift trying to do everything in an ever changing system that requires more paperwork than a paperless system should.  When you’ve had a reminder of what the newer generation is dealing with now then maybe the political/administrative decisions are easier to make that will benefit the future of the agency.  Team building/inclusivity/training came up for some other suggestions, however they fall into the other pressures we face. 

Second on the list is inadequate/toxic supervisors.  If you’re a supervisor recognize that someone in your charge likely thinks you are toxic or inadequate.   We all know some.  There are supervisors who are self-aware and take steps to improve themselves, then there’s supervisors who are oblivious and the administrators need to step in and take action.  A bad supervisor is the quickest way to kill morale and lose good employees.  If you are moved to a squad as a supervisor and everyone starts to flee, maybe it’s time to self-reflect and ask some questions.  

A first impression that made leaders stand apart from supervisors in my experience was after leaders stated their expectations of me, they asked what my expectations were of them.  That environment of effective communication, mentorship, and learning was created from the start (Leadership vs. Supervision is another topic I’ll be sharing my unsolicited opinion on later).  One of my most effective leaders stated that when his employees did the job right it was their fault, and when they did it wrong it was his fault.  This showed ownership and self-awareness that he needed to improve and empower his people to do the job correctly. 

The third pressure, lack of manpower and training, is a multi-layered issue that has too many variables to tackle in one sitting.  For starters, lack of manpower will always be an issue when law enforcement is demonized by the public perception.  Whether it’s the media, the criminals, the family members of criminals, the politicians, and the all encompassed mission of the devil, we are just not the fan favorite.  It’s hard to recruit experience into a profession that guarantees you’ll be a target.  So instead we recruit the able-bodied.  This is usually the 20-year-old college student whom we complain has no life experience.  Whose fault is that?  We hired them.  We need to recognize that they’ve been alive 20 years and therefore have 20 years of life experience.  Just because they haven’t been off to war, had kids, or start off cynical and disappointed like most of you are in your 30’s and 40’s doesn’t mean they don’t bring something important to the table.  Either mentor and guide them to gain experience or stop hiring them. 

Training and manpower go hand in hand, without manpower to cover the duties and responsibilities of the agency, then how do we make time to train? It’s not lack of training that we are facing, it’s lack of people and time to do it. 

The daily horrors of this job are enough to kill us; adding the top pressures mentioned above is why so many of our first responders don’t seek help when it all collides.  We’re sworn to protect and serve, just not ourselves.   

 

Frontline Survival

 

In 2019 I was a guest speaker for a group of writers that I met back in 2008.  The Space Coast Authors of Romance (STAR) is an RWA (Romance Writers of America) chapter here in Brevard County.  I was a part of this chapter up until a few years ago when my schedule changed and life went in a new direction.  I’ve been blessed to keep in touch with several members, some who’ve moved away from the chapter also, but keep encouraging each other as writers. 

For this particular meeting I was asked to be on a Q & A panel focused on first responders.  In the midst of the questions, which ranged from lighthearted to macabre, there were several moments that I found myself speaking on mental health awareness for first responders.  When asked how we deal with the line of duty deaths and stress related to our jobs, a fellow panel member who is also a retired Battalion Chief of a local fire department made a very surreal statement.  He said that in a firehouse they get called out together, show up together, and fight the same fire together, or deal with loss and trauma together, go back to the firehouse together, and are able to work through the stress together.  There’s a much more accepting environment of talking about a rough call and reaching out for help because they are always together.  There have been some who’ve taken their own lives because they weren’t able to shoulder the pain and share their burden, but far fewer than their brothers and sisters in law enforcement.

In my agency and many others, we are one-man cars, showing up on scenes solo where the trauma and tragedy happens often times before backup arrives.  When we clear the chaos we are back in our cars solo.  We continue to patrol solo. And we go home (Godspeed) end of shift solo.  We may have families at home or friends we can call, but we don’t bring that tragedy into conversations with them because we have been programmed to protect them from such horrors as we do the public.  We remain solo in our stress.   We return the next shift and short of squad briefing, we head back out on patrol…solo.  In law enforcement we’ve created an environment of keeping it all in and finding our own ways of dealing with the stress.  Often times pushing loved ones away, picking up a vice such as drinking, and eventually self-imploding when it gets to be too much. 

The use of the agency Employee Assistance Program (EAP) is something we discuss with new hires or would direct certain employees to use if it came to a higher level of intervention, however it's viewed as a negative resource for so many who don't understand it.  A lot of agency members feel like if they use EAP then the agency will know their problems and it will be held against them.  A very real conversation we need to be having is WHY agency members feel this way?  Why, if a deputy is in need of assistance, are they afraid to tell their boss? 

For me, it's from personal experience.  My family was going through a very hard time, and my stress was at a level 10 on a scale of 1-5.  I made the mistake of telling my direct supervisors of my plight and their initial response was less than reassuring.  I was at the point of potentially having to leave the agency.  The first supervisor was someone I wouldn't take advice from, but made the mistake of taking criticism from.

Another supervisor's response was to blame my husband for not stepping up to do more/work more/et cetera so I could stay at the agency.  He didn't even know my husband or children, or anything else about my life that led to this.  That was the last conversation I had with either of them about anything personal.  There was a cold last few months for me on that shift, and it had nothing to do with being winter in Florida.

The third supervisor (I'm low on the totem pole) was the only one who sat with me to really listen to what was going on. He didn't offer solutions or push me to EAP.  He just listened.  Word got up the chain of command to the big boss who spoke to me briefly on a side note to let him know if I needed anything, good luck, and that was the end of it.

Here I was again, solo.  None of them followed up.  No text, no call, no email, no 'how's it going' as they pass me by several times since...except one.  The one who listened.  The rest just knew I was thinking of leaving the agency.  They didn't even bother following up when opportunities arose that I threw my name in for.  Even though I was more than qualified, and on the 'favorites' list, all they remembered was that I was thinking of leaving a year ago.  They don't remember why at this point though.

The growing pains from this is where my faith became a priority.  My personal gratitude was the key to everything I wanted, and opened so many more personal doors for me than the agency ever can professionally.  I've learned that there's resources for first responders and veterans that are private, free, and better equipped to assist individual needs instead of lumping them into a mass category with only one solution to fix it all.  I've networked and met some amazing people who are on the same mission to help others.

There are still opportunities at work that I know I won't be considered for because some will only remember that I was thinking of leaving, but I'll outgrow those who think that's a weakness.  I'll surpass the naysayers, and gratefully take what I learned from this experience to be better, do better, and teach those following me better.  Becoming a woman who knows her worth has more authority in my life than anyone I will ever work for.  

At the conclusion of the Q & A I sat outside of the venue with one of the writers who also happens to be a mental health counselor at a clinic out of county.  She was informative and eager to assist as a resource in my journey to help others who walk the line with me every day.  In my doubt God put me exactly where I needed to be in order to grow in my purpose.  

My path has been lit by stars who encourage me to keep reaching for them.  For that, I’m eternally grateful.  #whileibreathihope