On Purpose

“We won’t be distracted by comparison if we are captivated with purpose.”  - Bob Goff

This quote has popped up numerous times this past week.  If you know me, you know I don’t believe in coincidence.  We’re guided in this world by many things, be it work, family, religion, money, bad decisions disguised as good ideas, tragedies, education, love, etc.  These are a few I’ve been guided by personally.  Not proud of some of them, but thankful for the experiences because it’s led me to where (and who) I am today. 

I can be better.  Much better.  The focus I’ve had in my family has grown and now sits in front of my career, where it rightfully belongs.  My personal goals have changed.  They evolved from my “can be better” when I was comparing myself to others.   

In my career I’ve followed the process, ever changing as it has been, to advance in my field which I still have decisions to make on the direction I want to go.  I’ve learned my limits, not what others limited me to.

In my finances I’ve failed miserably.  The excuses I’ve made for not saving enough, or making enough, or being able to pay down debt are just that…excuses.  I’m on the right track with a lot of learning to get my finances healthy again. 

In my hobby and passion for creating artwork I’ve been a crap entrepreneur.  I always tell people who say I don’t charge enough for my paintings that if I were a hooker I’d starve because I just can’t sell myself (that’s one profession momma didn’t have to worry about me pursuing!).

In my personal life I’ve become much better as a wife and mom, daughter and sister (to one of my siblings who has social media and likes to read at least), and a friend.  I’m getting over my anxiety/distrust of humanity and learning how to balance being an introvert in a very alpha society. 

Have you ever played a game where the rules kept changing in the middle of it?  Well that’s life.  And in life if we’re distracted by comparison of where we think we should be in family/work/etc., then we’re never going to fulfill our purpose.  Everyone’s purpose is different.  The path to get there, the rules to play by, and the people involved.  All different.  Mine is no better than anyone else’s.  It’s a greater purpose than I’ve been able to accept for myself, but I have 'one-ply-folded' faith that I’m headed in the right direction. 

When we take responsibility for our success and failures and stop comparing them to others, we’ll be one step further along our path to our purpose.  I have a daydream that won’t mute.  I’m going to follow up with a plan to make it a reality.  That’s my next step.  What’s yours? 

Unicorns Need Not Apply

In the wee morning hours when I come home from shift I get a little bit of “down” time.  This is when I (A) sleep, (B) write, (C) paint, (D) look for freelance writing jobs to help build our financial one-ply into six figures.  I left a well-paying job to become a law enforcement officer naively believing I'd save the world from one bad guy at a time.  I quickly realized that so-called bad guys multiply faster than good guys do so it takes a few days at a time to save the world from them, and we don’t get a commission. 

Could you imagine how quickly the streets of your hometown would get cleaned up if cops worked on commission?!  It’s laughable because it’s logical.  If law enforcement worked at a base salary like a salesman and earned commissions for each arrest they made, and doubled that commission for each conviction from the case they arrested the buy guy on, there’d be an even bigger pile up in the system than the lawyers and judges could handle. 

For corrections officers, if they successfully ‘rehabilitate’ an offender, each year they stay clean/sober/out of jail is a royalty check.  Then once you reach a certain rank your top year of commissions is now your base pay.  Law Enforcement would become a glamorous, high-paying, celebrity job. 

But it’s not glamorous.  It’s not high-paying.  There’s barely even a celebrity who supports law enforcement.  It’s become a villainized profession, more so than dentists.  But there's a few, a select few, who continue to put on the kevlar and badges to protect the sheep from the wolves.  It's not about pay, or recognition, and certainly not about the number of bad guys we put away (though that makes it fun).  It's about family, and the friends you make, the people you actually help though fewer than I'd like, and about the sense of pride in being a good guy fighting evil.  Yes, we all have a hero complex, and thankfully so since the world needs more heroes.  

Unfortunately hero work doesn't pay all of the bills.  In my quest to earn extra money I'm a member of various freelance writing sites that employers will skim for applicants.  I received this job posting from an interested employer: (cropped for your reading convenience)

The qualifications require you to be a unicorn.  Not a literal unicorn, obviously,…I don’t think…but figuratively, a unicorn in the job field.  In this particular case, a business savvy marketing genius who has the writing skills and work stamina equal to a majestic horned equine that can pull in large sums of money for a start-up company.  

The additional qualifications for social services background (check), social media knowledge (check), bachelor’s degree (check), workforce development experience (check), demonstrate creativity (CHECK! Hellooooo), blogging (seriously, check), etc.  I’m 90% of these qualifications.  The one thing I am not is a unicorn. 

In my day job (night shift to be exact), unicorns don’t exist.  We’re crass, unfiltered, detached beings whose faith in humanity is held on by a sliver of rusted rebar that could snap at any minute.  There’d be a “No Unicorns Allowed” sign on our clubhouse.   I’m pretty sure the entirety of my squad would agree with commissioned based salary since they thrive on pushing our supervisors’ buttons and making arrests in the last thirty minutes of shift. 

As much as I enjoy writing, and appreciate the side-gig opportunity, I’ll have to pass on this one.  Not just because of the unicorn requirement, but it's a full-time gig with more hours than I can spare from my sleep or my day job.  The search continues and if the qualifications state “Unicorns Need Not Apply” then I know I’ve found it.   

Someday

I shared this with friends a few months ago and it’s stuck with me.  Every day I look at this gift, this simple handcrafted gift that a very sweet woman gave me. 

On most Sundays I attend a farmer’s market where local people bring their goodies to sell.  It ranges from fresh produce and plants, to cakes and pies, and all sorts of crafts.  I have a slightly expensive hobby of painting and sculpting so I sell my artwork at this farmer’s market.  One day a sweet lady, Ms. J. Harper, stopped by and chatted about her own beautiful artwork.  She painted flowers.  Beautiful, colorful flowers.  I regret now not asking to buy one of her paintings, however I do have this…this little burlap bottle cap heart.

Facebook Post from April 2018:

"Ms. Harper asked if I would use some of her craft supplies so she wouldn't have to throw them away.  You see, she's 81 years old and today she told me she had recently been diagnosed with cancer.  She was very candid about it, not wanting to dwell on what's to come of her health since she feels fine at the moment.  She's refusing the offered treatments due to her age and not wanting to kill herself with chemo faster than the cancer would.  Feisty old gal had a valid point. She's downsizing the clutter in her life to travel with her husband for the remaining years, or months, they have together. She said too many 'somedays' have become 'too lates' or 'nevers'. I asked her to keep me posted on their travels and to please let me know when they return so we can catch up before...well. Her reply, "Sis, I'll die of old age before I die of cancer. I'm just finally living my 'someday'."

I sent her a text message and asked how she was doing.  I sent her a picture of the framed heart and what I want to put on the front of it.

 

Fast forward to July 2018, as of today I’ve received no reply.   Being in the profession I’m in, worst case scenario popped into my head, then I had to shush myself from the negative.  I have quite a few friends, young and old, who have survived cancer treatments or they make it a part of their daily health to stay strong without treatment.  Ms. Harper wanted to live out her “someday”, as long or short as it may be, doing what she loved.  She’s gone, on her adventure with her husband, or on a greater adventure with the Lord.

A little old lady’s situation made such an impact on me that I’m changing my life to live it today and not wait for retirement, or when the kids get older, or when my Hubs can take time off.  The little burlap heart is an affirmation to live, not someday, but every day, live.  Live in God’s grace, find your purpose, and make a difference in your own life so you can make a difference in others’. 

What’s your someday?